*Just a few disclaimers before I get into this topic. I am in no way saying that you shouldn’t do anything about being bullied. If you are being bullied, you need to tell someone, right away. Get all the help you can, from anyone. I am mainly talking about how you should chose to deal with it and how it changes your outlook on things later in life. I am posting very personal photos of myself that I wish I could remove every trace of. Even though there isn’t anything that anyone could say or call me, I would still like any rude comments or opinions to be kept to yourself. I already know a few people from my past that will screenshot them, and add them to some sort of group chat. Be my guest.*
School sucks. It sucked for me and it probably will suck for anyone else who isn’t classed as “normal” or, I hate to say it, popular. I was bullied, badly. I was made to feel like I was an outcast and that I wasn’t welcome, except from when I was around the people I loved the most, my friends. It all started in year 7. I was a tiny, scrawny little girl, covered in freckles and spots with giant frizzy hair like Hagrid & glasses. As far as stereotypes go, I was the typical ‘nerd’ that would probably get punched and pushed for the way they looked in every teen drama movie ever made. Luckily it was real life, and that didn’t happen, it was mainly verbal abuse. Going from primary school to secondary school was a big jump for me, I was leaving everyone I grew up with, and was going to a school none of my other friends picked. I quickly made friends with a girl in my tutor over a Mr. Bean pencil case, and that girl might not know it, but she will always play a big part in my life.
I wasn’t classed as beautiful to say the least. I wasn’t called pretty and none of the boys wanted to acknowledge my existence. When you’re at school all you want is to fit in, and be happy. “Emo freak”. “You’re literally so ugly, no one will ever love you”. “Why don’t you just fuck off, no one likes you”. These were just a few things I would hear on a weekly basis. I remember one day a group of people who were considered popular, opened up my Facebook profile and decided to leave nasty comments on my photos and talk about how ugly I looked in every photo while I was sat next to them. Everyone could hear them and laughed a long with them and all I wanted was from right then and there was the ground to open from under my feet and swallow me whole. I decided to bunk a few lessons after that and sit in the toilets until the hour was over. I started to embrace the brand ‘emo’, and just roll with it. I enjoyed bands instead of “typical radio” chart music. I enjoyed dark colours and giant black blobs of eyeliner, instead of wearing Dream Matte Mousse foundation in two shades too dark for my skin and covering my lips with concealer. I didn’t know it at the time, but by sticking to my guns regardless of what others thought, it helped me with how I deal with things now. If I buy an outfit now that people close to me react with “oh you really want to wear that? Don’t you think its a bit much?” , I don’t even give it a second thought. If I feel like a boss, then I am a boss. I will admit, there was a time where I decided I wanted to change. I wanted all the negativity to stop. When year 9 rolled around, I bought myself a Paul’s Boutique bag, and started wearing green and blue eyeshadow. It didn’t change. “Why do you look so weird?”. “What are you doing with your makeup? It looks so bad”. I mean granted it did, but theirs did too. I remember when I wanted to take a new profile picture I use to take my glasses off and strain my eyes just for the sake of avoiding being called four eyes. It was at this point that I learnt that you simply can’t please everybody. Its impossible. Year 9 was the year I felt like everything changed. My friendship group expanded, and I started becoming a lot more social. I was invited to house parties and I was actually seen as a normal human being. I was still looked at like a freak by people, but that is when I remember the bullying really starting to calm down .
I hate to say this because it almost sounds like its justifying bullying, which I don’t, but if it wasn’t for being bullied and being made to feel so small I don’t think id be the person I am today. Without sounding bigheaded, I have such a big heart. There has been times where I have forgiven people who didn’t deserve the 200th chance they got. I try my hardest to see the good in everyone. That doesn’t mean I like everyone because I don’t, it just means that I try to not listen to others opinions before casting my own, so I can well and truly get to know someone. I don’t think bullying will ever stop if I’m totally honest. However, I do believe that we have the power to show the generation after us, and the generation after them, how much easier and beautiful life can be without the need to be negative or mean.
I am beautiful. I was beautiful then, and I am now. Just because society didn’t think I was beautiful, doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to believe I was. I might be able to do my makeup a lot better and I take better care of my hair, but I love the skin and bone shell that I am in. Its taken a lot of practice to be okay saying that but I did it. Ive learnt to love my freckles and my acne scars. I know that to others it might not be classed as beautiful but they make me, me. I love my Hagrid hair and my giant ears. It just takes practice to getting to that stage.
I hope that everyone in life can learn to love themselves without the fear of judgement or without looking big headed. You only have one life. You were put in the body for a reason. There is no better you, than you. Ignore the people who hate on you for it, they’re just trying to find their peace too.
Megan Rose Wing